Experts share ways to manage social anxiety, from self-focus to safety behaviours

Mary began experiencing anxiety in social situations as a teenager. It became severe enough for her to develop depression and take time off school.

By the time she started university, she avoided group settings altogether and did not make a single friend during her degree, she told the BBC.

Mary, who is not her real name, was later diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, which affects up to 12 percent of people at some point in their lives. More people report struggling with social anxiety without having a clinical diagnosis.

As students return to university, experts told the British broadcaster how they can manage such feelings.

A study by the University of Chichester found more than a fifth of university students experience some form of social anxiety during their studies, which is linked to lower grades, poorer relationships and isolation.

For many students, university is also the first time they move away from home, with an expectation that they will quickly make friends.

Mary, who attended the University of Exeter, said she once went to a society meeting but left after feeling she would not fit in.

Recognising Social Anxiety

Mary described her experience as feeling like an out-of-body experience. When speaking to new people, her face would become hot and her hands would tingle. She would struggle to form words and later feel an overwhelming sense of shame.

Neil Greening, chair of the Social Anxiety Alliance UK, said people with social anxiety often believe they have a personality flaw instead of recognising it as a condition for which they can seek help.

Feeling shy or anxious in new situations is fairly normal, he said. Social anxiety becomes a problem when it stops people from doing things.

People may try to hide their anxiety through “safety behaviours”, including staying quiet, giving short answers, using a phone to avoid interaction, remaining close to one person or staying at the edge of a group, and sticking to familiar topics such as work.

Greening said there is some evidence social anxiety is worsening, with increased smartphone use and remote working contributing to fewer social interactions and higher anxiety levels.

How to Manage It

Mary later received support from the NHS through cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), which encourages people to reframe their thoughts and change their behaviour.

Prof David Clark, a psychologist at the University of Oxford, said therapy can help, while people can also take practical steps themselves.

Experts recommend:

• Focus outward: Stop constantly checking whether you are blushing, sounding nervous or saying something wrong. Instead, focus on the conversation, the other person or your surroundings.

• Test your fears: Ask a question in a meeting or speak up in a group, then observe what actually happens rather than assuming a negative outcome.

• Drop safety behaviours: Try not to rehearse every sentence, avoid eye contact or stay close to one particular person throughout a social situation.

• Avoid replaying conversations: Post-event rumination can distort what actually happened, so try not to repeatedly go over a social interaction afterwards.

• Consider CBT: The therapy can help people reframe negative thoughts and change behaviours linked to social anxiety.

Clark said people with social anxiety often expect to embarrass themselves or believe others will find them boring. Testing those assumptions can help break the cycle, although it can initially feel frightening.

Mary said CBT helped her, but support from a friend also encouraged her to challenge how she viewed herself.

She is now pushing herself to engage more, including by joining an astronomy group. Although social situations remain difficult and do not always go as planned, she said she is learning to manage her anxiety.