Adoption: a heavenly bliss

‘Children are the hands by which we take hold of heaven.’ – Children are the best gifts from our creator.

A home without children is like a barren desert. Unfortunately, many couples are denied this wonderful gift.

Recently, one of my relatives, who had been married for the last 26 years, adopted a child. They tried everything in their capacity to have a child. Regrettably, they could not conceive.

Now, they are enjoying the bliss of parenthood. At the same time, the child has got a loving family.

No matter what circumstances a child is born into, every child deserves a loving and caring family. The normal upbringing of the child remains a human right.

Adoption brings opportunities and hopes to thousands of children across the globe. It allows a child to grow up in a family environment surrounded by happiness, care and love.

The reasons for adoption differ. The child may have been abandoned, orphaned or willingly given up for adoption.

Sometimes, children are given up for adoption because the parents might be poor and want a good environment where their children can have basic necessities. An unwed mother may discover that she is too young to take on the responsibilities of a child because of social constraints. Also, the mother may be suffering from mental or some other illness that incapacitates her to care for the child.

Marilyn Monroe, the famous star, moved from one place to another in California foster care system and orphanages until she was 11 due to her mother’s mental illness and an unknown father. Ultimately, Grace, her mother’s best friend, became her legal guardian.

Actor Ray Liotta of The Goodfellas and his sister were both adopted. He told Larry King, during a show, that when he met his birth mother, he realised that she had done it for very valid reasons; and that, in almost 99 percent of cases, it’s for the betterment of children who are put up for adoption.

“I was really grateful that I was adopted,” he told The Guardian in April 2007.

There can be diverse reasons for couples to go for adoption too. One main reason is that adoption can be a wonderful way to overcome the unbearable pain of infertility. Sadly, many children also need a home when one or both parents die. Or, maybe a woman has a medical condition threatening to carry a baby.

When Nicole Kidman married Tom Cruise, she suffered an ectopic pregnancy and lost her first child. After this painful experience, they adopted two children: daughter Isabella Jane and son Connor Anthony.

Sometimes people adopt because they are single but still wish to have children. Actress Sushmita Sen, the beautiful Miss Universe, was only 25 and single when she adopted her first child, Alisah. She had to face a long legal battle for this and won. She adopted another child, Renee, in 2010. Sushmita’s decision paved the way for many people who wished to embrace single parenthood in India.

People might adopt out of compassion for children too.

After the terrible Hurricane Katrina in 2005, Academy Award-winning actress Sandra Bullock said, ‘…Katrina happened in New Orleans, and something told me, ‘My child is there.’ It was weird.’

She then adopted her first child Louis, an orphan, out of compassion and later Laila, a daughter.

It’s truly sad to realise the number of children needing a home. According to the United Nations Children’s Emergency Fund (UNICEF), more than 150 million children worldwide need a home. This number includes nearly half a million children in foster care in the United States.

Hank Fortener (Los Angeles) launched a special day of tribute on Nov 9, 2014, known as World Adoption Day. The day celebrates and recognises the hope of adoption with the simple mission: ‘A world with no more orphans, a family for every child.’ Since then, this day has been celebrated worldwide.

Do you know Steve Jobs was adopted?

In 1955, he was born to an unwed graduate student Joanne Schieble and her boyfriend, Abdulfattah Jandali. Joanne’s parents insisted she gives up her child for adoption. He was then adopted by Paul and Clara Jobs, a couple in Palo Alto, California. Steve Jobs never considered his adoptive parents as anything less than his parents.

Jobs said: “Knowing I was adopted may have made me feel more independent… I’ve always felt special. My parents made me feel special. They were my parents 1,000 percent.”

Regrettably, even today, especially in Asian countries, adoption has a stigma. It’s also believed that only the biological mother can care for a child, which is untrue. Anybody can shower love on anyone. You can see thousands of abusive parents who have made a hell of their children’s lives. On the other hand, adopted children have been cared for and given a beautiful life.

As a child who was adopted into my loving family, I always knew that I have two families – the family in my heart (my parents, sister and other relatives); and the family in my genes (the woman and her family who had the courage to make the most unselfish, yet painful, decision to have me adopted). My life is always in some way or another celebration of both families.

André Viviers

Hundreds of organisations are now working to promote adoption and help find a permanent homes for thousands of children in the foster care system around the world.

Thankfully, the stigma has somewhat lessened due to adoption by many celebrities. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, Sushmita Sen, Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock have won hearts for their beautiful adopted children. This has inspired people to adopt a child with less criticism from relatives.

Adoption is becoming highly specialised and requires a sympathetic approach to regulations. The adoption process may sometimes fall into fraud and malpractice, which can harm the child’s welfare.

Thus, The United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child (article 21), requires that State Parties take responsibility to ensure that the best interest of the child is served by providing adoption services that meet specific laws and legal procedures. The laws of countries may vary.

Let’s create awareness and celebrate the blessings that come through adoption. If possible, let’s donate funds for families who want to adopt but are under heavy financial burden.

Every adoption journey is different, but most stories, often, start from a painful experience where a mother and a child are tragically separated. Then, through adoption, the child finds a home filled with parental love once again.

Adoption is a celebration of selfless, pure love. It’s a choice to foster someone else’s child and give them a home. It’s also that blissful feeling of contentment with being a parent.

Adoption is both tragic and beautiful: from loss to heavenly fulfilment.

Every child deserves love, a family and a home.

Let’s give it to them.

[Tasneem Hossain is a multilingual poet, columnist, op-ed and fiction writer, translator and

training consultant. She is the Director of Continuing Education Centre, Bangladesh.]

References:

1. Qamar, Ayesha, The Real Reason Sandra Bullock Adopted Her Kids, The List, November 9, 2019

2. Why We are Celebrating World Adoption Day, American Adoptions News, November 9, 2018

3. Steve Jobs Career Helped in Part by His Adoption, Considering adoption, 2022

4. Celebrating Families: World Adoption Day, University of Pretoria, November 9, 2020