A Pandora's Box for parents in pandemic

Parents of children from different age groups, from newborns to school-goers, struggled to cope with the changes in a life upended by the pandemic

asif mahmud ove

How pandemic times opened a Pandora’s Box for parents

Sanjida Iqbal Teethi was one and a half months into her return to the office after ending four months of maternity leave when the coronavirus pandemic hit Bangladesh.

When a lockdown was imposed in a bid to curb the spread of the disease, Sanjida, a new mother working in a multinational company, was quite happy.

“I was elated, thinking that I’d be able to stay home and give more time to my child. But soon enough, my delight turned into disappointment,” she said.

With an infant at home, Sanjida had to juggle between meetings, interviews and desk work with little time to take care of her child.

“I was working from home and my bosses thought that I was enjoying the ‘new bundle of joy’ in my life. In reality, I was being swamped with work more than usual.”

She was overwhelmed when she found she was pregnant with her second child the following year at a time when the pandemic was yet to ebb.

“By then, I had left my job and was looking for another,” she remembered. “We were vulnerable physically, emotionally and financially.”

The journey of parenthood did not begin smoothly for Sanjida and her husband because of the coronavirus pandemic breaking out in Bangladesh. A lot of people had similar experiences with parenting being the most difficult task during those years.

The bittersweet moments of birth became a nightmare for those who were delivering children during the pandemic. The hospitals appeared unsafe but there were no alternatives, many mothers said.

“Both my husband and I contracted COVID when I was expecting our second child,” Sanjida said. “I was getting blood clots and had to undergo a C-section at 39 weeks to save my child.

“It was a nightmare. The hospital I was visiting earlier refused to provide medical support as I was pregnant but had contracted COVID-19. Our entire plan for the birth was thrown into disarray; even on the financial side.”

“And then my newborn daughter had to stay in the NICU (newborn intensive care unit) for a long time. It was both physically and emotionally traumatic for us.”

She also described the rigorous disinfecting process every time they returned home from outside as an extra burden due to the pandemic.

The pandemic took a toll on the physical and mental health of children as well. With schools shut for more than a year and entertainment centres closed, children had little to no scope for socialising or even interacting with others.

Experts say they were confined within the four walls of the home and stayed glued to the screens. Electronic devices became a major part of many children’s lives, leaving a huge negative impact.

“I found an increasing number of cases of screen addiction, weight gain, anorexia and change of sleep patterns among my patients,” said Dr Jebunnesa, associate professor of paediatrics at the Centre for Woman and Child Health hospital.

“Children had no normal activities amid the pandemic. Many of them were suffering from vitamin D deficiency. All of this happened due to the pandemic restrictions. They were bored at home and just became cranky.”

"Why wouldn't the children gain weight when they keep ordering outside food through FoodPanda? Parents would try to dissuade them, and it would become a focal point for fights," she said.

Fourteen-year-old Tonni returned to her classes after a long break. It was then that everyone noticed her mental health complications. She could not socialise easily with others.

The long stay at home due to the pandemic affected Tonni’s personality and turned her into an introvert, said her mother Farzana Islam.

“I hope she’ll go back to herself once she meets everyone again,” she said, adding that the family was giving her some time to adjust and return to her usual self.

In addition to the physical and mental health of children, the pandemic has affected their emotional wellbeing and, above all, tarnished their relationship with their parents, said Dr Jebunnessa, herself a mother of three.

“They went crazy being stuck at home and every day (during the pandemic restrictions) they would ask me why I was going outside when they had to stay home. To a certain extent, we were losing our emotional connection. My kids wouldn’t run and hug me anymore when I returned home.”

“The schools are going to reopen soon and, with the necessary precautions, I’ll send my kids to school the moment they do,” said Dr Jebunnesa.

As the pandemic cast its shadow on the economy and people’s lives, it also compelled the parents to play different roles. “We were parents, but now we have to be educators as well,” protested Momtaz Akhter, mother of two boys.

With schools shut for a long time and the fresh difficulties in their daily lives, parents were struggling to provide an education for their children in addition to their usual duties. The pressure was palpable - the number of cuddles dropped while events of parental meltdown increased.

Parenting often means having to make difficult decisions for children. As Bangladesh looked to emerge from the pandemic, one such decision loomed for parents - whether or not to vaccinate their children.

“When the government decided to give vaccines to children older than 12 years, we became quite confused. To vaccinate or not to vaccinate - that was the question for us. I spoke to my cousins living abroad to learn if they were vaccinating their children,” said Momtaz Akhter. At the time of the interview, she had not made a decision.

Online classes were viable for older kids, but parents believe younger children did not get many benefits from them.

“Going to pre-school is a new chapter in a child’s life. They need in-person classes to connect with their teachers and friends and to start their learning journey,” Sanjida said.

“I also found that my child learned no social skills in his early, formative years, because he did not have the chance to interact with anyone aside from his parents.”

For neurotypical children, digital lessons may bring some benefits, but most parents believe neurodivergent children and those with disabilities do not learn much under such circumstances. These children were hit hardest by the pandemic, they said.

“We had just enrolled our visually impaired child, who also has some developmental delays, at a special school. His classes have yet to start because of the pandemic. There’s no point having online classes for children who need occupational therapy, speech therapy and so on,” said the mother of a 5-year-old in Dhaka who asked not to be named.

“Life is now full of despair. I don’t see any hope of teaching him the most basic skills. I’ve left it to the Almighty,” she said.

Sabrina Karim Murshed is a Bangladeshi journalist, writer and creative writing instructor for children in Singapore.